I came across a cookie recipe that made me laugh out loud. I shouldn't laugh, but honestly, if someone can't have gluten, dairy, eggs, soy, nuts or fructose, then they probably have more to worry about than baking cookies.

However, if you feel like shopping your butt off looking for these crazy ingredients (I would surely have to shop in the nearest city to find this stuff), then make yourself a batch of these cookies.

Oh, if you want them to be chocolate free too, then leave out the chocolate chips (and try not to cry too hard).

They are called Inoffensive Cookies... too funny!  I don't think I've ever been offended by a cookie (and it shows).

The comments in the parentheses are mine. If you are offended by my comments, then you need to get a sense of humor.  Or you desperately need some Inoffensive Cookies.

1/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon golden flaxseed meal (we're off to a good start)

1/2 cup dairy-free, soy-free vegetable shortening (I can probably find that)

1 cup xylitol birch sugar (okie dokie)

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract (ahhh... something I have!)

1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon Authentic Foods GF Classical Blend flour (I'll put it on my list)

1/4 teaspoon xanthan gum or guar gum (I don't think they mean chewing gum)

1/2 teaspoon baking soda (I know what this is)

1/2 teaspoon double-acting baking powder (I know what this is too)

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon (this is getting better by the minute)

1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt or table salt (I better stick to table salt)

1 1/2 cups gluten-free old-fashioned oats (they are starting to confuse me again)

1 and 1/4 cup dairy-free, soy-free, gluten-free chocolate chips (they make that?)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.

Combine 1 tablespoon of flaxseed meal with 3 tablespoons of warm water, mixing well. Set aside. This is your "flax egg" (I'm so glad to know that).

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment (I'm confused enough as it is), cream the shortening, and the birch sugar, mixing on medium speed for about 3 minutes.

Add the vanilla extract and the flax egg (that's the stuff you made in the first step, I guess). Mix about 30 seconds on low speed until combined.

In a separate bowl, whisk together flour, the remaining 1/4 cup flaxseed meal, gum (remember, this isn't the gum you have in your mouth), baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt (I'm beat!).

Add oats and mix. Add dry mixture to stand mixer bowl, and mix on low speed until combined.

Add the chocolate chips (hopefully you didn't eat them all while mixing the rest of the stuff), mixing on lowest possible speed until just combined.

Using a 2 tablespoon scoop (can't I just estimate?), place dough balls on a baking sheet and flatten them slightly (I will flatten them, I promise).

Bake in the center of the oven 13 minutes, until lightly golden. Let cookies cool for about 5 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack (then transfer to your mouth).

If you don't find alcohol too offensive, you might want to try these cocktail recipes.  And no, I wasn't drunk when I published this article.

Bloated Bag of Monkey Spunk
Big Bad Voodoo Kooler
Hop Skip and Go Naked
Half-Man Half-Wit
Kermit The Frog Piss
Mule's Hind Leg