I have been struggling so much with whether or not I’ll every record videos again. First, let me explain that when I’m depressed like this, I feel with my whole being that I’ll never come out of it. But past experiences prove that I will come out of it in time, maybe in a few days, maybe a few weeks. I’ve even let myself feel like this for many months before seeking help. It’s hard to even want help when I’m at the bottom of a pit. But my intelligent side knows there is help for me if and when I want it.
Today I feel like I’m heading toward recording again. However, not sure what I’ll be like! lol One thing I’m thinking of is turning off comments for future videos, at least for a while. This is not because of the few hurtful or hateful comments I get. It’s because of the nice ones. Yes, nice ones are very hard for me to deal with. I think when I return to youtube, I’ll do my first video trying to explain that. All I know is I have the comments turned off on this video and also on this one, and my anxiety level has gone down. That’s a good thing!
So, I’m still not sure how things are going to play out, but at least I am trying to come up with a plan to make my return easier on me. I feel like I’d be starting from scratch. It’s like I don’t even know how I ever got on camera before!
I also want to reply to the person who told me I bit off more than I could chew. The last time I took a day off from youtube was March 21st. That’s 5 months of videos where I never missed a day. And that was multiple videos a day, 370 total, so an average of about 3 per day. That’s through having my granddaughter here for 5½ weeks then my mother in the hospital and rehab for 3 weeks. I was good with that! I think I chewed up everything I bit off. If I felt like it was too much, I would not have done it. I have no clue what my pace will be when I return, but it will be a pace I’m comfortable with. If I take big bites, I’ll chew them.
A special shoutout to CourtneyWithLove!!! Today is her birthday!!! So incredibly happy to have Courtney as my friend!!! Much love to you girlfriend!!!
Darlene
XOXO
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