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Saturday Chat – Update About My Husband Andy

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I know many of you would like to know, so I’ll give you an Andy update. The reason I have not done this by now is because I didn’t know anything until last night.  I have zero relationship with his family, so no one has called me with info.  I had an insane runaround just to find out exactly which hospital Andy was in. I spent several hours on the phone yesterday and was finally able to talk to a nurse.

Seems Andy had a heart attack. Also, his sodium was at rock buttom. He had/has a lot of fluid on his lungs. They drain it, and it fills back up. No cancer results yet (what is taking so long?) but they are still quite sure it’s lung cancer.  I forgot to ask about his liver function as I’m pretty sure that has to be bad too. He is not eating at all. His weight just two weeks ago was 115 fully dressed with shoes. He is suffering from DTs and they are medicating him for that.

All I know for sure is he’s failing. On Wednesday and Thursday, he sounded like himself on the phone. Thursday night it sounded like he was failing fast. Friday it was \very hard to understand him. But he can answer yes and no and there are some words I can understand.

At this point, I still have no plans to go there. I know most of you think I must go, but there is a long history between us and you don’t know the whole back story. I know I make it sound like a joyous love affair, but I am very good at idolizing things. I’m still hanging on to the boy I met when I was 14.  That boy no longer exists. I don’t think he ever existed, not the way I’ve always imagined it.  But we do love each other in the only ways we know how. Just not sure I should go there. There are many reasons that you don’t know about.

Please let the choice be mine. And I hope you don’t judge me if you think I made the wrong choice. And yes, I may very well have huge regrets if I don’t go. But there can also be huge regrets if I do go. And the emotional roller coaster I’d have to ride to go there seems like pure torture for me. Please let me decide for myself. He does have his family, so he is not alone.



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