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Monday Chat

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chat-monday

It’s Monday!

I just got up and it’s 11:00am. Lost a big part of my day. Yesterday did not go as planned and today is already starting out on the wrong foot. I blame the stinkin’ sunshine! Seriously, I do. Had it been an awesome gray day I would have stayed up when I used the bathroom at 8am. But it was so incredibly sunny and I could not stand it. Back to bed I went.

Yesterday was sunny too. So bright. So sunny.  Bothers me to no end.  I waited until the sun went away before recording and then since it was so late, and since I was just not into it, it took me 4 hours to get this video done.  I had to record it 3 times due to recording issues. And with a crochet tutorial, I can’t just record certain parts. I need to start over. Thank goodness it does not take me too long to record those crochet segments, but still a hassle.  I gave up on recording after that. Went to be early so I could get up early. I could not fall asleep.  Slept late. Whatever!

Another thing weighing heavily on my mind is that I think I might have gone too far with My Epic Reply video.  Let me take that back. Wrong wording.  I don’t think I went too far, but a good chunk of my patrons think I went too far.  It’s always a gamble when I record content like that and I know that before pushing publish. But I certainly don’t apologize for my content because it real, honest, intentional and humorous.  I’m proud of everything I publish even if others are not.

I purposely test the limits which is why I record those kinds of videos on patreon now.  I pretty much know what my limits are now on youtube if I want to keep my peanut gallery happy. Minimal swearing, nothing too controversial, hiding most comments that I reply to due to my replies (but I still reply lol) and no long series like the crumb quilt adventure, my most disliked series to date.  I feel limited on youtube.  I feel free on patreon, or at least more free. lol

And I know many will say… wait, what?  The Crumb Quilt Adventure was your most popular series ever!!!  And that’s true. It was very, very good to me.  But I had to push through it.  I got a lot of hate at the beginning of that series because many of my subscribers were with me because of the silly videos I used to do before I started bringing quilting and crafting into the mix. They did not care to see crafts of any kind. And when I hit them with an entire series of crumb quilting, they were very vocal about how disappointed they were in me. I was different now.  I was now creating content simply for the views. I no longer cared about those who helped to get me where I was.  My channel was going to shit.  And they threatened to unsubscribe. And boy, did they ever!  But…

… others came. New subscribers flocked to me during that series. That made me happy, but I still felt like maybe I did indeed cheat those who were with me for all the silly shit I used to do.  But the thing is, I was tired of the silly shit.  I need to move in a different direction.  There was a new audience waiting for me. So I stuck to what I needed to do, didn’t apologize to any of those who hated my new direction, and was reminded that no matter what, I come first. I can’t let lots of feedback from very unhappy subscribers dictate what I do. After all, it was a quilt series. I was not doing anything controversial, hateful or even remotely unusual. I was sewing scraps of fabric together. Fuck a bunch of haters.

That crumb quilt experience taught me a gigantic lesson. When I get negative feedback over a series or even a single video, and when those people who hate it drop like flies, I have to remind myself that I come first.  I must do as I want and not as others want. And I can’t put all the blame on my content.  After all, if people can leave me in droves over quilting, then yes, I’m certainly going to lose many over something that is over the edge. I can’t fall into the “ooops, I went too far” trap.  Quilting was not going too far.  My humor is not going to far. It’s who I am.  I need to stand by that.  I will never please everyone. And there is always a new audience out there for me.

Now I must get this day started. Not sure what I will do. Yesterday was such a bust. Today must be better else I might want to quit my career. LOL  I still constantly question this career choice. It’s always filled with ups and downs. And it amazes me that I’ve been full-time on youtube for almost 2 years now. And when I say full-time, that’s really double time or even triple time for most.  It’s. All.  I. Do.  I even dream about it, so it’s like I work even while sleeping. I’m not bragging about that.  Being a workaholic is a replacement for booze. And it can be just as damaging in many ways.

Thanks for visiting my blog! Darlene

 

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