Darlene Michaud

Every year I post this message that I wrote a few years back, but I update it each year due to changes in my life.  It’s for those of us out there who might be sad over the holidays.  I’m here to say it’s okay to have an ordinary day.  

I understand that many people are happy and filled with love for family, festivities, food and gifts. Others are majorly depressed and even suicidal.

I used to fall into the majorly depressed category on Christmas, so I took the pressure off by not celebrating it.  No tree. No gifts.  No special food.  No family.  None of that stuff.  It’s not that I’m heartless or not a loving person.  It’s that I have to put myself first and do things a certain way in order to survive… and to stay sober.

Now I live near Derrick and Skylar and we have La-Shon in our lives. And I have Joe and Rocket in my life too.  We will all be together, but none of us really care for the big hoopla.  We all want a chill day.  We will all be feasting with others. Skylar will be with her mom. Derrick and La-Shon will be with her family for christmas dinner.  Joe and I will be an at AA meeting with a potluck dinner (there’s always something carnivore that I can eat).  Then we will all be together Christmas afternoon.  Chill.  No drinking.  No pressure to do anything other than just hang together.  Maybe we can play cards or something.  We all want ordinary.

It’s okay if you treat the holidays as any other day.  It really is!  Don’t see it as though you are giving in to depression.  Instead, see it as a way to accept that it’s sometimes normal and perfectly okay to be depressed.  Don’t feel like you are less than because you can’t keep up with the others.  Don’t feel horrid because you can’t feel gratitude for anything right now. Let the day pass. Tomorrow you might feel better.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to be happy.  Don’t feel guilty if you are sad, mad or hurt. Don’t worry about disappointing others.  Give yourself permission to survive even when you are hurting.  Trust me when I say I understand how you feel.

I have no decorations at my apartment, but this year I have an artificial tree outside on my patio.  Joe and I saved it from the dumpster.  It even had lights on it that worked. I lit it and I just leave it on all day and all night.  I like it. 

Skylar and I put up a tree at their apartment. It’s so pretty.  I got all the ornaments at the thrift store. It cost something like $2 for a big bag of balls and some other stuff. That bargain made me happy, lol. The ornaments look old-fashioned and the tree is very pretty.  Derrick also leaves his tree on 24/7.   

My wish for everyone is to just be okay with an ordinary day.  It really is freeing to let go of the pressure to feel good. Everyone deserves that freedom!  And if you are down and out and someone tells you to just get over it or to appreciate what you have so just cheer up, feel free to tell them those words don’t help.  Don’t let people dismiss your feelings and your situation. You have the right to just walk away. You don’t have to explain why and you don’t have to apologize. You are taking care of yourself.  Give yourself permission to be who you are.

I wish you an ordinary day and a new year filled with self-acceptance. 

UPDATE: Joe and I went to an AA meeting tonight because I was so curious to see how many people would be there. We stayed for 2 meetings, back to back.  The meeting room was packed.  I listened to people tell their stories as to how bad the holidays are for them. I could relate so much to all the stories.  I’m not a 12-Stepper and I don’t follow most of what AA suggests, but I am so happy to see that so many people have a safe place to go when they feel down and out.  Joe and I are having our Christmas meal at an AA meeting.  So ordinary. So peaceful.  I’ll be surrounded by people who all share one thing in common.  We all want peace within and we are all willing to work hard to get that.  I’m very thankful that Joe got me involved with the AA community.  I’ve had some rough patches with AA, but for the most part, I feel like I’m at home there.

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