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Wednesday Chat

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It’s Wednesday!

One of the most interesting things I’ve learned by being an online personality is that if I’m open and honest and just being myself, people are very quick to praise me and tell me just how much they LOVE my honesty, it’s such a joy to watch someone who is real.  This feeling holds until my truth is something they don’t like. Then those very same people who put me on a pedestal are the ones who hit me with a bat to knock me down.

I think that’s why so many people don’t share who they really are.

We are constantly conditioned to never say too much.  If we share our real life experiences and those experiences make others uncomfortable, they see it as content that is better left never mentioned. They only want the truth as long as the truth is funny or upbeat or goes along with what they believe.

Not all people fall into this category.  Certainly not all. I have many, many, many youtube subbies who really do appreciate my honesty no matter what I say.  But I find that it’s those who put me on a pedestal and are very vocal about it who are the ones who are also very vocal about why they suddenly hate me.  I guess it’s okay for them to speak their truth and I’m supposed to accept it quietly. They can talk. I can’t. Sounds like the way I grew up. Fuck those people. lol

It really is all very interesting to me.  And as much as I really do create my own haters by being myself, I also create a long list of online friends who stick by me no matter what.  And that’s the reason I will continue to just be who I really am, even if the real me sucks.

And for the record, because I feel I always have to make this crystal clear, I never share my thoughts or opinions on other people’s platforms. That’s not my place. It’s their place to say what they want with no backlash from others.  I defend everyone’s right to be exactly who they are.  If it goes against my grain, I leave quietly. My channels, my patreon, my facebook, my blog… those are my “safe” places. But I feel they are far from safe.  It sometimes feels like a torture chamber.

When I think about all the women who come out years later with stories about being raped or sexually molested in any way, and I see the backlash they get for waiting so long or for making too big of a deal out of it or for outright lying about it or for damaging another person’s reputation, all I can think about is just how painful it must be for them to have their fears confirmed that they needed to remain quiet.  Not everyone is a liar.  Not everyone is telling their story now because they want publicity or a hopeful payday from some tv talk show.  Many just want to be heard, want to get it off their chest, want some healing, and yes, even want revenge.  Revenge is a normal feeling built from pain, anger and fear.  We want those who hurt us to be held accountable in some way.  We want them to feel a bit of the sting from the pain they caused us.  Yet most people walk through life just not talking about their experiences simply because they are constantly conditioned by society to keep quiet. They watch how others who share their stories are treated and they decide they better not share.  Sad.

Thanks for visiting my blog! Darlene


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